Almost Famous

If you see an essay being forwarded around the Internet, something wise or witty or that tugs at the heart strings or otherwise speaks to some deep inner truth about the human condition, chances are that the famous person whose name appears at the bottom of the essay is not the person who actually wrote it.  Chances are that the person who actually wrote it is a struggling writer who really could use the exposure from people forwarding their work all over the world, but unfortunately someone along the way decided that a lie sells better than the truth.  Even more unfortunately, they were right, because at the end of the day, the people who forward these misattributed works are less interested in the flowery prose and more interested in the idea that someone they've heard of came up with it.

Signed,
Morgan Freeman

Keep Your Rants to Yourself

Dear rich or famous or semi-famous Americans,

I would just like to inform you that, in general, I don't give a crap what you believe about politics, religion, the state of the world, or anything else that does not pertain to the area of expertise for which you became rich or famous or semi-famous.  If you're a musician, then please confine your rants to the topic of music. If you make duck calls, then please confine your rants to the outdoors.  If you're in the food services industry, then please confine your rants to the topic of food and/or services.  If you're an actor, then please confine your rants to the topic of entertainment.  If you lack the ability to do that, then please don't expect me to be sympathetic if your off-topicness suddenly causes you to no longer be rich or famous or semi-famous.

Dear non-rich, non-famous, and non-semi-famous Americans,

I would just like to inform you that, in general, you give way too much of a crap about what rich, famous, and semi-famous Americans believe about politics, religion, the state of the world, or anything else that does not pertain to the area of expertise for which they became rich or famous or semi-famous.  Don't do that.  It only encourages them.

Forward Unto Dawn

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to forward a hoax on Facebook and remove all doubt." -- Mark Twain