From the home office in Wahoo, Nebraska, the top ten new slogans for the Live Music Capital of the World:
10. Austin Music: All of the Competition of L.A. Without All That Pesky Money
9. Austin Music: A Lucrative Career Awaits You, As Soon As They Call You Back
8. Austin Music: Where $10,000/Year = Success
7. Austin Music: Couch Not Included
6. Austin Music: Hundreds of Places to Play. No Places to Park.
5. Austin Music: Texas Music Has Moved to Hays County. Sorry for the Inconvenience.
4. Austin Music: Not Just for Musicians Anymore
3. Austin Music: We're Full. Try Denton.
2. Austin Music: Where the Music of Stevie Ray Vaughan Lives On ... Sort of Like Freddy Krueger
and the #1 new slogan for the Live Music Capital of the World:
1. Austin Music: Here's a Copy of My New Album. Would You Like Fries With That?
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Almost Famous
If
you see an essay being forwarded around the Internet, something wise or
witty or that tugs at the heart strings or otherwise speaks to some
deep inner truth about the human condition, chances are that the famous
person whose name appears at the bottom of the essay is not the person
who actually wrote it. Chances are that the person who actually wrote it is a
struggling writer who really could use the exposure
from people forwarding their work all over the world, but unfortunately
someone along the way decided that a lie sells better than the truth.
Even more unfortunately, they were right, because at the end of the day,
the people who forward these misattributed works are less interested in
the flowery prose and more interested in the idea that someone they've
heard of came up with it.
Signed,
Morgan Freeman
Signed,
Morgan Freeman
Friday, January 17, 2014
Keep Your Rants to Yourself
Dear rich or famous or semi-famous Americans,
I would just like to inform you that, in general, I don't give a crap what you believe about politics, religion, the state of the world, or anything else that does not pertain to the area of expertise for which you became rich or famous or semi-famous. If you're a musician, then please confine your rants to the topic of music. If you make duck calls, then please confine your rants to the outdoors. If you're in the food services industry, then please confine your rants to the topic of food and/or services. If you're an actor, then please confine your rants to the topic of entertainment. If you lack the ability to do that, then please don't expect me to be sympathetic if your off-topicness suddenly causes you to no longer be rich or famous or semi-famous.
Dear non-rich, non-famous, and non-semi-famous Americans,
I would just like to inform you that, in general, you give way too much of a crap about what rich, famous, and semi-famous Americans believe about politics, religion, the state of the world, or anything else that does not pertain to the area of expertise for which they became rich or famous or semi-famous. Don't do that. It only encourages them.
I would just like to inform you that, in general, I don't give a crap what you believe about politics, religion, the state of the world, or anything else that does not pertain to the area of expertise for which you became rich or famous or semi-famous. If you're a musician, then please confine your rants to the topic of music. If you make duck calls, then please confine your rants to the outdoors. If you're in the food services industry, then please confine your rants to the topic of food and/or services. If you're an actor, then please confine your rants to the topic of entertainment. If you lack the ability to do that, then please don't expect me to be sympathetic if your off-topicness suddenly causes you to no longer be rich or famous or semi-famous.
Dear non-rich, non-famous, and non-semi-famous Americans,
I would just like to inform you that, in general, you give way too much of a crap about what rich, famous, and semi-famous Americans believe about politics, religion, the state of the world, or anything else that does not pertain to the area of expertise for which they became rich or famous or semi-famous. Don't do that. It only encourages them.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Forward Unto Dawn
"It
is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool
than to forward a hoax on Facebook and remove all doubt." -- Mark Twain
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