Opening theme: On a scale of 1 to 10, with Nancy Sinatra being a -2
and Wings being a 19, I'm going to say that Adele's contribution to this
hit parade of the most tragically dated-sounding songs in the history
of pop music ranks somewhere between Shirley Bassey and ... Shirley
Bassey.
I know invisibility is cool and all, but Daniel Craig really needs to stop wearing The Ring.
Roger Deakins deserves an Oscar ... for every Coen Brothers film he's
ever worked on. Denzel deserved an Oscar for "Malcolm X." Denzel got
an Oscar for "Training Day." If Deakins gets an Oscar for "Skyfall",
it's basically the Academy saying, "we're sorry we had our heads so
firmly implanted in our @$$es for the past 20 years that we somehow
zoned out on all of your most brilliant works ... I mean, to be clear,
this ain't one of them, but why don't you just go ahead and take a
statue anyway? You can scratch out the name and put 'Miller's Crossing'
on there if you want."
Seriously, if I were designing a
building, one feature I would not include is the ability to log in
remotely and trigger a natural gas leak. And while we're on the
subject, does no one in the building have a sense of smell?
If
you're going to make such a big fizzing freak of a deal over exposing
the identity of five MI6 agents, it kind of cuts into that drama a
little bit to have your flagship agent walk up to a random, gun-toting,
clothing-challenged female stranger in the very next scene and blow his
own cover ... just like he's been blowing his own cover for the past 50
years. I mean, if anyone in the underworld doesn't know who James
frickin' Bond is by now, they are seriously in the wrong business.
If you're going to make a film about a hacker, here's a tip: cast
Angelina Jolie. It keeps the geeks interested. And if you're going to
make a film in which large sprays of machine gun fire are directed
either from, or toward, the main character, that main character's last
name had damn well better be McClane, Rambo, or T1. As it stands,
"Skyfall" was 30 minutes of Bond, 15 minutes of "Sneakers", 75 minutes
of "The Last Boy Scout", and 20 minutes of "Witness."
Did he really just quote Tim Rice? Yeah, I think he just quoted Tim Rice.
Is it just me, or does stashing a hardened criminal in a 50-square-foot
Lexan hexagonal prism in the middle of a 2500-square-foot cavern seem
like a bit of a waste of space? I mean, at least store some files or
janitorial supplies in there or something.
Seriously with the subway crash? I mean, that's not even one of the better rides at Universal Studios anymore.
In conclusion: way too heavy on the bullets, and way too light on the
submarines, Persian cats, martinis, and sex. The only female badass in
the entire picture retires to become a secretary? Really?! If Pussy
Galore were dead, she'd be rolling over in her grave (and probably doing
the splits as well.)
