Apparently They Forgot the Part About "Indivisible"

Rick Perry's comments about secession were careless and irresponsible, but Rick Perry will be Rick Perry, I guess (adios, mofo.)  However, perhaps it was naive of me not to realize that there is now a whole organized secessionist movement in this state, complete with its own web site and radio station.

Wow.  Really?

What kills me is that I'm imagining that most of these same people screamed "treason" when Gregory Lee Johnson burned the American flag in Dallas in 1984.  I'm imagining that most of these same people screamed "God Bless America" and were the first in line to buy a flag when the twin towers fell in 2001.  I'm imagining the cries of "USA!" from their living rooms as they watched the green, ghostly streaks from the infrared cameras trained on the Baghdad night sky.  I guess they expect Texans to wrap ourselves in the flag, get behind the President, support the troops, and ask God to bless our nation as long as the Republicans control Washington, but as soon as the nation fairly elects a Democrat, now we're expected to pee on the flag and stock up on ammo in preparation for the inevitable bloody revolution?

That's not the way it works, folks.  California and New York didn't start bandying about the "S word" when Bush was elected, even though many of them undoubtedly felt just as disenfranchised by Bush's policies as some Texans feel about Obama's.  However, let's be clear about two things:  (1) no one has raised our taxes yet, and (2) Texas is far from being a solid red state.  It is the pinnacle of hubris for these secessionists-- as well as Perry-- to believe that Texas speaks with one voice and that they are that voice.  Perry was re-elected with 38% of the vote (1.7 million votes)-- hardly a mandate, to be sure.  Meanwhile, 3.5 million Texans (44% of those who voted last November) voted for Obama.

Texas is a vast land with many diverse cultures and ethnicities.  We have mountains, canyons, tall forests, plains, deserts, the biggest of cities, and the smallest of towns.   Despite our huge areas of open space, most of which are privately owned, nearly 90% of Texans live in urban areas.  This is a larger percentage of urban population than even New York!  Texas is a land that defies categorization, a state with at least four distinct regional accents, a state in which less than 50% of the population is Caucasian.  How could any one person or group claim to have their finger on the pulse of our whole state?

But let's entertain, for a moment, the prospect of making Texas a sovereign nation again.  The U.S. military consists of 1.5 to 3 million men and women, depending on whether or not you count the reserves.  Assuming Texas could muster a proportional number of men and women to serve in its armed forces, the Texas army would still be outnumbered by the Mexican army.  Perhaps the secessionists would rather relive the Alamo than remember it.

On paper, Texas produces approximately the same GDP per capita as the U.S. average.  However, how much of our economy hinges on free trade with the other states?  How much would Texas' economy suffer from the inevitable war for secession or even a war with Mexico?  How much of Texas' population would simply leave if Texas were allowed to secede?  I'm imagining millions, and you can count me among them.  How much additional expense would Texas incur if it no longer was able to rely on the federal government for military protection, highway funds, etc.?  Think for a moment where the technology behind U.S. defense is produced:  mostly not in Texas.  Texas has one of the lowest tax rates in the Union, but ironically, the Fair Tax folks would find that their taxes would probably have to increase if Texas were to stand on its own.

Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it, as the saying goes.  We've been down this road before.  The two major reasons why the Republic of Texas voted to become a state were:  (a) military protection against Mexico, and (b) the U.S. agreed to assume Texas' huge national debt.  Despite what Perry and others would have us believe, there was no "right to secede" included in our annexation resolution.  The only special provision included in this resolution was one that would allow Texas to split into as many as five states if it so chose.  This has intriguing possibilities, but it's a far cry from secession.  Actually, maybe we should just take advantage of our right to form a new state, give the secessionists their own chunk of the desert somewhere, and see how well they fare on their own.  The reality TV rights alone would be worth millions.

No state has the "right" to secede.  Texas, like every other state, is an integral and symbiotic part of the United State of America.  Talk of secession is an insult to the many brave men and women who died for this nation and our flag and "the republic for which it stands ... INDIVISIBLE."  Talk of secession is also an insult to the many brave men and women who would die trying to maintain the integrity of the nation If Texas tried to secede, as well as an insult to the many families who would be torn apart by civil war.  It's an insult to those of us who still believe in America and what America can do.  I was born and raised here.  How dare someone tell me that I can't be both a Texan and an American?

So, are y'all still going to want to secede if a Republican gets elected in 2012?  I bet not.

from the Big Book of Bachelor Recipes, p. 92: Cheesy Veggie Casserole

Ingredients:

• 1 thing of frozen veggies
• 1 1/2 things of pasteurized process cheese food

Combine ingredients in salad bowl from yesterday.  Cover.  Nuke it until it glows.  Play drum solo from "Tom Sawyer" on counter top.  Remove dish from microwave.  Nearly drop it because it's frickin' hot and you forgot to use oven mitts.  Eat directly from bowl while watching last night's "Squidbillies."

from the Big Book of Bachelor Recipes, p. 137: Hickory Smoked Tuna Salad

Ingredients:

• 1 thing of hickory smoked tuna
• 1 thing of salad

Combine ingredients in big bowl.  Toss vigorously.  Serve.